IN-SIGHT: The Calm in the Chaos

by Dr Isha Chaudhari, Consultant – Anterior Segment, Cornea and Refractive services at Dr Shroff’s Charity Eye Hospital

Today’s a particularly fidgety day,

There’s been a tic in my brain refusing to rest,

I gaze on uncomfortably sweaty palms,

I know today I won't be my best.

A mental note of today's to-do list,

And feeling increasing discomfort,

I feel a slight tremor in my hand and my wrist,

“It's nothing,” I say to myself.

A gnawing feeling... Maybe hunger?

A drained spirit... From lack of sleep?

While my exterior felt slow and calm,

Brain racing, heart in a heap.

Scrubbing up and walking into the OR,

I am greeted by the chappal mosaic,

Evidence of a busy day in the theatre.

My clothes are changed, hair tied in a bun,

Ornaments in the pockets, with head and face covered,

I wonder how these voices still know it's me,

They follow me into theatre, along with the others.

Debating whether or not, the tremor's real or not.

Knowing very well what happens, when brain and heart play separate chords.

And, stepping into a gown,

Voices louder, with the pitch of a flatline,

Then, getting into the sound,

Of the part of me screaming, “Abort.”

But…

I don't remember donning the gloves,

Or settling on the chair,

I remember a twinkle from inside the eye,

Fleeting, but so very much there.

The voices stepped back,

Still alive, but now far away,

Like I’d flapped my wings and flown,

Leaving the noise of the city to stay.

Instrument after instrument is passed,

And my fingers do a little dance,

No sweat, no regret, no chance.

Just music.

And us at the front with our backs to the crowd.

And just when the orchestra hits the finale,

Tranquillity strikes, the voices now music,

The thumping’s now eased… Or has it… Are we?

My heart’s slowed,

Gloves’re peeled,

Music followed,

Followed by reels.

Such things as this are common in life;

I can't find the right slippers,

Only multiple lefts.

I've seen lights twinkle at the ends of tunnels,

And they'll have seen, can see, and will see,

For, imagine, just for a moment,

To, up until one day, had never seen.

I wonder, “When did I start whistling…”